THIS WEEK’S
CHALLENGE
Dear Magdi,
I have recently lost two members of my family. It has been a difficult couple of years and I find myself focusing on their last difficult hours of life. These memories quite often torment me and have left me fearful of losing others in my life. How can I let go of these worried thoughts that consume me?
Carrie
Merritt
YOUR TWO CENTS
Dear Carrie,
This is a very difficult situation, especially when you lost two loved ones in such a short period of time! It is very sad, but unfortunately these are the things we face in life. Nothing is certain, nothing is permanent and we all die. This is inevitable. Perhaps instead of worrying about what the future brings, try to think about the positive things in the present and try to celebrate every moment.
MAGDI SAYS
Dear Carrie,
I’d like to express my sincere condolences to you. It must be troubling to witness your two loved ones passing one after another in such a short period of time.
Unfortunately, these painful events can stay with us for long time. The grieving process usually takes at least a year while we try to accept the painful facts of our losses and also celebrate the memories and the lives of our loved ones.
Nevertheless, in today’s society we can be so busy with our lives and work that we are not able to give sufficient time to our healing process.
Ironically, when we try to forget or suppress our feelings, they generally get bigger, not smaller.
Carrie, the worries that you say you often suffer from what are called implicit memories. These memories are the outcome of overwhelming unresolved issues from the past.
When you shut those painful memories out, they come back as implicit memories in the present.
Effective integration of memories can only occur when our creative resources are available to us and we address the painful past experiences.
Simply put, you can reduce your fears of losing other loved ones. How to do this? Each one of us requires a toolbox of resources to best mitigate the effects of painful memories.
Individually, we need to find these tools. When your implicit memories of painful losses intrude upon your life, use your individual tools: journal writing and meditation practices can lead to more self-awareness. Also, having conversations with trusted friends or with a therapist can help you bring these unresolved issues toward resolution.
I can definitely tell you that healing is possible no matter what kind of painful experiences have happened to you. You will be able to let go your worried feelings and thoughts.
NEXT WEEK’S
CHALLENGE
Dear Magdi,
My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I felt we were very much in love when we first got married and I think we still love each other in a way, but I can’t seem to make him happy. He seems to find fault in everything I do. He tells me that if I would just change then we would be happy. I’ve tried to change and tried to make him happy, but it never seems to be enough.
He gets very angry and I never know what’s going to set him off. I feel like such a failure and that I am always walking on eggshells. Sometimes I feel like I am going to crazy. Is there any hope for our marriage?
Abigail
Merritt
Magdi Tornyai is a clinical counsellor with a private practice, Safe Haven Holistic Counselling, in Merritt. If you have a question you would like Magdi to consider, or to write in with your two cents on a weekly challenge, write to magditornyai@gmail.com or newsroom@merrittherald.com. Submissions will be kept anonymous. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of our readers.
